You may not have been invited to a party for a while - at least not in person - but stay with me for a moment. We’ve all had the experience of being invited somewhere that we don’t want to go, but we push ourselves to go because we “should.” The sense of obligation and the fight you have with yourself about going is sometimes even more unpleasant than the event ends up being. Mostly what doesn’t feel good about those situations is the feeling that you don’t have a choice. That’s fear.
Whether it’s a professional function or a family gathering, you still always have a choice whether or not to go. There might be consequences of not going, and that’s where the fear comes in. Maybe your mom will be sad (or angry) that she didn’t get to spend time with you. Maybe you’ll miss out on making an important professional connection. Maybe your friends will have a fun time that they talk about for years.
Maybe you won’t meet someone’s expectations. Guess what? You’re free to not meet other people’s expectations. You’re also free to not meet your own expectations. Sometimes those fears about missing out or disappointing someone come in the form of “shoulds” that drown out what that feeling of not wanting to go is trying to tell you. When you can listen, you can acknowledge your needs.
This week’s lie down talk uses fluffy cloud imagery to help you direct yourself. I found that I needed the imagery in my own constructive rest practice lately to get away from thinking I “should” be doing a better job of releasing and staying expansive. I had gotten attached to the expectations I had of myself. Who do those expectations actually serve? Does tensing up around what I think I should be capable of help me to meet that goal? Nope. Freeing myself from those expectations does. When you’re faced with something like the party that doesn’t feel like a choice, how do you feel? Tense? Tired? How about those mental gymnastics? You do have a choice. Remembering that is freeing, even if you do decide to go (and still don’t want to).
Alexandra & Kateri
